Advice Column 3-4-2005
Posted in Advice by demo
Originally written by George on 04 Mar 2005.
Yes, it’s been quite some time since someone asked questions to gimme-five to answer, mostly because this used to be called “Ask Doug,” and Doug never took the time to answer questions so people stopped asking them. Anyways, here go the questions:
Question 1: Where should I go to meet guys? I broke up with my boyfriend a while ago and I have had the hardest time meeting guys. Mostly its because all the guys I hang out with are my friends and I don’t want to date a friend.
Answer: Well, I can’t answer this with humor, so I’ll try to answer it satisfactory-like. Just go wherever you would go normally, and do things that interest you. Eventually you’ll run into a guy that has the same interests as you and it will be a lot better off than going somewhere where “guys are just likely to be,” and meeting some guy whose passions are eating roadkill and then pretending he doesn’t eat it.
Question 2: I just found out my girlfriend had been seeing another guy over the summer while we were both away at school. I’m ticked off, but I don’t want to break up with her, what should I do? She doesn’t know that I know yet.
Answer: This is a situation where a mixture of urine, vinegar, and a touch of garlic powder should do the trick. First, urinate in a bucket until you have about two cups of urine. Then mix vinegar until you have a 75/25 concentration in favor of vinegar. Then mix in a teaspoon of garlic powder for added flavor.
Now, when your girlfriend comes over next, ask her to sit down because you want to talk to her about something. Tell her that you found out she had been cheating on you and that you’d like an explanation. Before she starts talking (hopefully she has a shocked expression on her face), pull out a super soaker filled with the solution and spray her. Then say: “now we’re even.” This is the best way to express your feelings, because actions speak louder than words.
And now on to some non-relationship questions…
Question 3: Who’s your daddy?
Answer: Mark Ingham
Question 4: How many visitors come to gimme-five every day?
Answer: Our traffic counter says about 20 unique people per day, but I’m pretty sure it’s just me visiting a bunch of times from different computers. We got quite a few at one point but I suppose people have lost interest.
Ok, that’s a wrap for this advice column. I hope everyone has a great spring break if that’s what you’re doing this week!
