CAT | Advice
Keeping these in the back of your mind might make you a better citizen. Or depressed. Or perhaps these tidbits aren’t true at all. I’m just in an emo mood, I guess.
- Statistics can be interpreted to mean almost anything. Depending on how the survey was conducted, what context the statistics are presented in, or what manner the statistics are announced, they can mean anything. Moreover, if you try to investigate, you might be confused because the statistics are lies or archaeic, confusing language is used to hide faults in the study.
- Everyone is motivated by self-interest, one way or another, including the author who is writing this. If you see a so-called unbiased article or scientific study, consider the fact that the author might just be presenting one side of the story. Sure, there are plenty of reputable journalists and scientists out there, but it’s hard to suppress self-interested motivations.
- Everyone can be manipulated, whether we like to admit it or not. This is especially true in terms of advertisements on television. Not every advertisement works on every person, but every once in a while, some corporation or political group will grab your soul and make it act in the manner they desire. Remember, they’ve been studying the purchasing and voting psychology of people just like you and I for years. They know how you work.
- When in doubt, follow the money trail. Money gets people into power, and keeps them in power, so those with power agree to do what those with money want to stay in power.
I’m sure you’ve all stumbled upon self-help websites before. Most of them are pretty generic. But the Rirarian Project is doing a pretty good job at giving unique and useful advice regarding things like the maintenance and improvement of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.
Today he just published a great (and very long) entry entitled “207 Great Tips to Make 2007 Your Best Year Ever.” Many of these tips are alternative ways to look at problems (visualize what you need to learn), health advice (heat therapy, snacking throughout the day), or unusual challenges to give yourself (brush teeth with your left hand). Granted, some of the advice is generic like you’d find on the typical self-help website, but there are definitely a few gems in these tips.
gimme-five will be sporting an advice column now. To ask questions simply go here and ask away. The advice columnist is also gimme-five’s first ever female author, Jessica, who also happens to be my girlfriend. Thus, because comments seem to get heated, I will abstain from commenting on her advice column. Anyways, feel free to ask her a question.
Also, I guarantee that this column will be better than the “Ask Doug” advice column of old (shudder). Anywho, enjoy folks.
Also, here is a picture of Doug and Jessica at the Passing The Torch Ceremony for gimme-five’s advice column.
Love,
George
Originally written by Doug on 31 May 2005.
I would first like to start out by saying that all three articles were written today instead of doing work. I plan on completing only 45 minutes of actual work today, and after you subtract lunch, it comes down to about 15 minutes. Secondly, i want you to know how (little/much, you decide) i have enjoyed answering your questions. Please continue to write as it will give me something to do.
Question from Sally:
Hey, how do you tie a guy’s tie? My bf won’t teach me!!
Answer: Do you just want to know? or do you have something kinky in mind? Well, either way, you do it like this (to the tune of the hokie-pokie (sp?)): You put the short end in, you have the long end out, you wrap the long end around and you shake it all about. You wrap it once again and you fold it inside-out, that’s how you tie a tie! Or just go to http://www.howtotieatie.com (i bet that exists) (crap, it doesn’t) or http://www.tie-a-tie.net/ (yes, this one exists).
Question from Somebody:
how do you avoid getting caught sleeping at work? i saw your message in the forum…
Answer: Its really quite simple, actually. My job consists of computer programming (supposedly) using a program called Visual Basic (6, .NET, 2005) and a couple of database programs (Access, SQL Server) and some internet data mining. This means, at any one time, i’ll have about 6 to 10 windows open on my computer. So, i come up with this. A simple VB6 program randomly alt-tab’s my desktop to another exciting program every 1:8 seconds, giving the appearance that i am working while in fact i am sleeping. The program consists of oh say, one timer, and 4 lines of code:
Private Sub Timer1_Timer()
i = Int(Rnd * 8) + 1
SendKeys “%{TAB ” & Str(i) & “}”
Timer1.Interval = i * 1000
End Sub
Good luck with your sleeping at work “Somebody”!
Question from George:
How was your dream? How did the melatonin work last night?
Answer: Well now this was a new experience. According to http://www.melatonin.com : “Melatonin is the all-natural nightcap. It’s secreted by the pineal gland, a pea-size structure at the center of the brain, as our eyes register the fall of darkness.” I took one of these pills last night and i will now relay to you the dream that ensued.
Allow me to set the scene: Herndon Festival is now being held at Herndon High School for security reasons. 10ft fences with barbed wire have been placed around the new fair grounds located in the back of the school. Adrian, Marcus, George and I were all sitting on a bench after track practice and Adrian, being the dumb*ss that he is tried to climb over the fence to get a basketball left on the football field. I got a close-up of his fingernail as the razor wire split his fingernails. Fat Corbin came by and pulled Vigil down (and beat him with a club) and we went back to sitting. George pointed out that there was a door in the fence and opened it. I ran out to the middle of the field to get the basketball which turned out to be a chipotle burrito basket. All the sudden it was day again and some really fat people were running around the track and the gym teacher (drill sergeant) was shooting the joggers with a shotgun.
Then i woke up and the clock said 6:26 when in fact it was closer to 5:15. In conclusion, Melatonin is a mind altering drug which leads to time warps and a reoccurring vision of splitting fingernails. Avoid this drug at all costs!
There’s your stinkin’ article. 3 for 3 baby!
Originally written by Doug on 31 May 2005.
Let’s bust a cap in this janx, shall we?
Question from: George
How are you celebrating gimme-five’s second birthday? Also, what is your PR in the beer mile?
Answer: I was having a party with General Lee from beyond the grave which consisted of me running a beer mile in a PR of 3:35.14 (hand timed)
Question from: man hater
i know sometimes your relationship questions are pretty simply answered, but i’ve got a tough one for ya. i have been dating this guy ( we’ll call him bob) for over a year. Bob and I were high school sweet hearts, but now he attends Virginia Tech. He recently broke up with me. He said that it was because we fight a lot ( which i dont think we do) and that even though “he loves me very much and i mean everything to him” he thinks we would both be happier if we weren’t together anymore. It sounds like to me he is trying to give me the brush off in a way that i wont quite as hurt but he says that once we are both in a better place we’ll be back together and “everything will be fine”…..i need a man’s opinion….thanks a bunch
Answer: I know at this point it doesn’t really matter anymore, but for future reference i will attempt an answer. Let me first note “Bob”‘s fatal flaw; he went to Virginia Tech. nuff said.
On the off chance that you are in high school (if you are in fact female, call 571-239-4250. CAUTION: VERY POTENT! 
), your situation is nothing short of normal. Now, you have to understand that college is a life changing event for the majority of people. On the whole, i find that even the meekest of high schoolers can turn into the wildest of party animals, so i wouldn’t be surprised if Mr. Bob has made it with 20 some girls within a period of 5 minutes. So his reaction to break up is very natural and should not be perceived as a shrug-off, but more as a protection for you (unless you want to see the photos).
If by chance you are also in college, the case may be the same as above, however, another possibility also applies. He may honestly have feelings for you but doesn’t know how to cope with the distance issue. He should have communicated over a period of time this concern if he were truly honest.
Bottom Line: There are more fish in the sea. If it turns out you two are truly meant for each other, you’ll know after dating some random fools. And if all else fails, you can call that number i gave in the high school section…
Last Question from: your secret admirer
As the sexiest member of gimme-five, how come you don’t write much anymore?
Thanks for the complement, George. Well, i’m writing now, so PAY ME B*#@%!
